Cleaning House

In preparation for the next chapter of our lives, I’ve been purging. I’m often amazed how easily I have accumulated so much ’junk’. Junk here includes anything from old letters, birthday cards, clothes almost four sizes small(my optimism knows no bounds),cassette tapes, Eng101 essays, shoes from another era altogether, plane ticket stubs from 1998, ticket stubs to a baseball game i went to in 1999-the only thing I remember about that game is spotting Hank Aaron and the pricey hotdog I wolfed down, Playbills(I’m keeping one from my fav show though), to maps from all U.S. cities I’ve visited and some souveniors..I know, that makes little sense because..souv=keep however, a mug with boobies from mardi gras hardly qualifies as an antique ,and that goes for the multi-colored beads too. No prizes for guessing how I got those. Kuishi kwingi kufanya kuona mengi. And I’m not even 30. ha! Oh I found a loose twenty shilling bob note- aren’t those obsolete? And a kobole- I’m surprised i didn’t write kombole, what with my rich swakuyu vocab. Like my mom’s text message last week. ” hi mama ——, muko wasima? Wasima??lol

Oh, one of the best things I found- a letter I wrote to my first ”boyfriend. Little, young, fresh-faced, naive me. A letter liberally sprinkled with words such as always and forever-Luther Vandross would be so proud. I loved him-boyfie that is, even when the sun don’t shine..lol.I wrote that. I kent brave it. I didn’t realize I have sooo many letters from my father..and they’re all mini-novels. I’m keeping the happy ones..the sad stories will hit the dumpster Monday morning. Our conversations now are a little strange, I think he’s already losing his memory-my heart breaks.

Then there’s the photographs..quite frankly there’s atleast two shoe boxes full I don’t care to keep. Dumpster! That’s what I get for having doubles printed each time..such a waste. Plus all those people I don’t care to remember in September..ha! Going through your stuff really forces you to take stock of your life..man! Living with my elder sister- minimalist-extrodinaire was really good for me, even though I complained bitterly half the time(muttering under my breath is more like it.) This girl can literally survive with a toothbrush, granola and her bible. No lies. And I hate to admit this, but I greatly admire her. My mother will need emergency quadruple bypass surgery when I-eventually- tell her that she was right, and that I really could learn alot from just watching my sister. Order. I suppose it’s never too late to start ey? Humble pie never tasted so good. No whipped cream.

So after slaving away in the heat of the garage, there’s 5 big boxes full of trash, 4 huge bags of clothes that will be donated to Salvation Army-one bag of my fav but too small clothes already found a new owner in my friend’s nanny, 1 box filled with books will go to the local library, a bunch of kitchen utensils and cookware have a new owner…I’m having a hard time letting go of my wok..arghh All those stir-fry memories.. There’s all the wood/stone carvings and batiks my mother has been sending over the years..hmm, I’m thinking I’ll send those to my kwanzaa-celebrating buddy N- I bet he or someone he knows in that hippie circle of theirs will appreciate this stuff…maybe even more than I have, evidenced by the 2yrs the stuff has spent gathering dust. There’s even a buncha-kiondo-backpac looking thingie’s..dunno how else to describe those. Where’s an office Christmas party when you need to offload some crap into the secret santa pool, ey? buh!

Feels good though.,all this purging. Wish it were just as easy to get rid of the pregger weight though..ati just throw it in a trash bag and dump. The pillowy mass that is my tummy is just sad.. Oh, I have to tell you…remember a couple of posts back when I came in here strutting my stuff, showing off ati I could fit into my pre-pregger jeans? Well you’ll never believe what happened-..I’m lugging my baby’s stroller when I feel a draught, right under my left butt cheek. A quick swipe revealed the worst..my butt had found it’s ‘voice’ and was speaking out against detention. Ok, so I’ve worn them almost everyday for 2yrs straight..that means diddly squat.who else’s butt ever did that? Can you believe that my FAVORITEST pair of jeans is ruined. Gap jeans. Taimajini.  Ok for those of you that belong to higher tax brackets..for whom gap jeans might as well be second hand, you cannot relate to my pain.

Dead- is where I want to be.

I cannot possibly justify buying a $50 pair of jeans right now when diapers and formula are in such high demand- it’s just not right. It’s too bad I’m not 17 and anyway the threadbare denim look is sooo out- was it ever really in, or was it all just hobo-envy,ha.. So anyway, that’s what I want for Christmas this year..another perfect pair of jeans(the holy grail), with just the right amount of stretch to accomodate the boodie.

Lastly, for my sake, for my emotional well-being, I need to simply walk away from this parasitic relationship. I have nothing left to give, not to you, not anymore. Delete.

Tag 2.

So Nakeel tagged me.. The eight list..so here goes.

1. If it’s true that your friends are a reflection of you, then I need to check myself into the closest mental institution pronto. I know atleast 3people who are/have been in my life in the near past who are completely boiro..and not in the delicious way. How I attracted these pests people into my life, remains a mystery to me. It’s true that I’m a little crazy, and occasionally my marbles roll out of place…but damn. All you boiro’s..please stay away from me…and stop commenting on my blog anonymously too.

2. My right leg has this bad habit of shaking when I’m really angry, or super emotional. It’s strangely soothing this wierd habit.. What’s funny is I’ve found that it also works to soothe my daughter when she’s sitting on my lap..maybe she’s just sitting there wondering how she got herself mixed up with this crazy, yet wonderful  woman that she now has no choice but to call mama.

3. I still dream of going to culinary school. Good food turns me on.. I love it all..the smells, fresh herbs, spices, good knives, chopping, broiling, grilling, basting, a great skillet, garnishing, ..oh man. I could literally watch The Food Channel all day every day..my favorite chef..New York’s Bobby Flay. That said, I think I’m a good cook..If I may say so myself. My favorite mealtime- breakfast/brunch.

4. That I’m now someone’s role model terrifies me sometimes.. But but but, I believe God has chosen me, and I’m truly honored. Looking forward to growing up all over again.. I wonder what cool stuff we’ll get into.

5. I’m discovering that maybe real intimacy scares me…not sex, or hand holding. I mean completely opening up , and allowing myself to be vulnerable..no holds barred. I have to make a conscious effort to do so, If I intend to live a richer and more fulfilling life with few regrets.

6. Having a child has worked to reaffirm my faith and belief in God. The miracle that is my daughter is proof positive of his love for me. I’m completely in awe of my parents now.. I now understand them better, forgive them completely and love them even more.

7. Sina msimamo re: my hair. Why I painstakingly took time to grow such a beautiful fro, only to destroy it mercilessly with chemicals a year later is still a mystery to me. I’m such a zozo..Now I’m having to start over..and I look like a golliwog. arrrgghhhh. Please slap me silly If I ever do that again.

8. This god, this beautiful speciman, Djimon Honsou(?) . Would someone please send him my way. Please. Ndaguthaitha..The object of very very hot and heavy dreams I’ve been having lately. See why below. Good God Ya’ll!!

Tagged!!

   KM tagged me, and gave specific instructions NOT to follow her example by doing this particular format..and because mimi ni kichwa diamond…I chose to blatantly ignore orders..why? Because I’m still pissed I can’t comment on her blog anymore. Which zozo gave this woman the right to unplug everyone from her our blog? Mama, you therefore have no right to bark any kind of orders at me/anyone else..m’kay? Nakeel , I’m doing yours next..

1. Where is your cell phone…On the table
2. Relationship… TBD
3. Your hair….Chopped it off  yesterday..still needs some work..looking to loc it soon.
4. Work…mothering my daughter ..most difficult yet most rewarding job ever!!
5. Your sisters…. 4. Then there’s my sistah’s..all great women I’m blessed to know.
6. Your favorite things…. Books, Baths, Perfume, My daughter’s smile, Rain, Mangoes, My dad’s voice, Abstract art, Poetry, Movies, Tiramisu, Bailey’s Ice-cream, White roses, Shoes, Calligraphy..
7. Your dream last night…My brother and I were discussing airfare in one..I don’t remember the other..barely slept enough..
8. Your favorite drink….Grand Marnier, Red Wine- Goats do roam, Chocolate Milk
9. Your dream car….Merc 560SL/ E500

10. The room you’re in….Spacious

11. Your shoes…More more..I want more

12. Your fears….Losing loved ones.

13. What do you want to be in 10 years…Useful

14. Who did you hang out with this weekend?…. Little Miss Sunshine( yeah, I know..like I’d have it any other way. Some folks stopped by as well.

15. What are you not good at…Reaching out for help. Getting rid of people I need to rid myself of.

16. Muffins? Yes!! Blueberry please.

17. Wish-list item…A camcoder

18. Where you grew up…Nairobi and Nyeri

19. The last thing you did… Eat Yoghurt

20. What are you wearing…Tie-dye leso and spaghetti strap top

21. What are you not wearing… Shoes. Watch. Rings. Smile.

22. Your favorite pet…My cat. Not the animal.

23. Your computer…works just fine.

24. Your life…never a dull moment.

25. Your mood…Mellow.

26. Missing…My shujaar.

27. What are you thinking about… what else I need to get to apply for sunshine’s passport.

28. Your dream location… Zanzibar

29. Your Ex… thinks he’s the best sex I ever had. NOT.

30. Your Favorite Item…Noni my Ipod.

31. Your favorite colour…Red..all earth tones really..

32. Last time you laughed…last night

33. Last time you cried…Monday when mom called.

34. School…Can’t wait to go back.

35. Love …is truly the most incredible gift to give and receive.

Hot Shot

Jimmy Cliff-Hot Shot

I needed this song today. Was reminded of Jimmy Cliff’s brilliance over here . This is the one song that’ll  have me running foolishly to a dance floor, all the while screaming, spilling my drink and elbowing anyone in my path,..woe unto you If you try to stop me for a chat-

So I hereby apologize to everyone in advance. If you hear this song begin to play, I suggest you make like the red sea and part..giving me ample room to rattle and shake to my hearts content. After which..all ladylike pethoz manner resumes. For those that have suffered the wrath of my heels in the one-person stampede that is medusa running in the direction of the dance floor, poleni sana. I meant to do it.

ps: If this doesn’t show here..please watch it on you tube- Jimmy Cliff’s ‘Hot Shot’

Disconnected

It’s a hot and hazy Saturday afternoon, and I’m still ambling about in my over-sized, milk-stained pyjamas- an unpleasant sight indeed. You should see my hair the mop on my head- it’s just sad. I hear this phrase thrown around alot- something about a woman’s hair, and glory, lol.. I’m quite the glorious mess, and I kantai some glorious head-wraps when I need to get out though- Glowreh!! Little Miss Sunshine just went down for her nap..the laundry is done, not going to cook today..so I’m just wondering what to do with the precious two hours of peace and quiet I have before duty calls, and she’s hanging from my boob again.

So far, I’ve managed to stuff my pie-hole with everything but pie..ie Chocolate Ice-cream, an orange, 2glasses of orange juice, half a glass of milk, 3 pancakes, loaded scrambled eggs(with mushroom, onion, cilantro, tomato..and ketchup ofcourse..) Doesn’t ketchup make everything taste better though? The good stuff, not that shady katsup stuff masquerading as ketchup..just because it’s red( Unless you’re at kenchik where it’s hot pink and it’s thick and gooey ,..doesn’t mean its good, or that it’s ketchup for that matter. You’re better off slicing fresh tomato If you don’t have the good stuff,ie Heinz. Yes, go ahead and help fund John Kerry’s campaign…wait, is he even running for office? Am I stuck in election season passed? Please disregard most, if not all I have to say..I can’t be trusted to think much or say anything terribly smart today.Yes, I’m so arrogant as to assume that smart is norm for me..ha! See, I didn’t sleep well at all last night..went to bed with a heavy heart, only to be woken up by the neighbors heavy thumping of something. I couldn’t make out the noise, or it’s source for that matter..was either a faulty washer, really bad music, witchcraft or some poor woman/man has lost all sensation waist down. Oh, but it went onALL night. While I was up, I spent my time tossing and turning, adjusting the air-con kadhaa times, checking my phone, and checking it twice..as though miraculously it would conduct sleep through my hand into my brain..and I took out the trash. at 3:45am, yes..my life totally depended on having clean, fresh air. Seemed like the only thing I could control anyway. No sooner had I started to doze off, than sunshine began her squirm, whine, fuss, cry, diaper change, milk, burp, fuss, whine, squirm, back to sleep routine..FUN FUN FUN..Yahoo!!*slits wrists*It’s not so bad anymore..really.

Are you dizzy yet?

Woody Allen is quite something..and I won’t go the cliche route of ragging on his marriage to his daughter either..I’m talking about this film I keep catching mid-show on telli .. Guess it’s my lucky day, saw it from the start, ‘Husbands and wives’..a clever film about what goes on in some marriages. Man, that stuff is no joke..I know it’s not representative of all marriages, and I dare say was coated with a thick layer of cynicism..but damn. Is total and complete honesty really possible between two people? I mean, even with a super sweet honeyandmolasses coat, how do you say “I can’t stand to look at you any more, you’re the most narcissistic, most selfish, arrogant, elitist, large male reproductive organ I’ve ever met”..to someone you love, well at least you once furiously and with tear-stained eyes professed to love? Tough stuff.

So anyway, the Africa Channel is truly the best thing since slicedMay 1st-when my daughter was born that is.. The music warms my soul, as does the beautiful faces and places..man, oh man. There’s work to be done..no more sitting on the fence, ‘punditing’ from afar..there is where I need to be. Stay tuned.

Crap, lost my train of thought..oh yes.. Either I’ve watched Sarafina too many times, or I’m spoiled by Ladysmith Black Mambazo..sababu is it just me, or does it seem like E.V.E.R.Y.time the SouthAfricans break out in song, its always perfectly harmonized..tena the bass..wahwahwah. Tu-dar-fur To die for..hmm I just think, back in my tiny Anglican church in Nyeri town, hau next to Baden Powell’s grave,…that even after months of endless praco, late nights of tea and ndaoz the works, the choir still couldn’t get that harmony If they wore head-dresses and pranced around in loin cloths and spears ala Shaka Zulu. Amjussayin?? There’s always that one overzealous mama, who is obviously a soprano..yet insists she’s an alto..come Sunday, she’s squealing with the best of them..with joy tena in her moyo- you can tell because her eyes are rolled back, one arm outstretched, the other draped over her grateful heart, and there’s ONE tear rolling down her left cheek..andsababu it’s all for the Lord of the Earth, nary a word can be said to deter the joyful noise..ati coz God said something about lifting voices..lakini me I dunno if that should be taken so literally ama it’s metaphor for all South Africans lift your voices. . Hmm Perhaps, had we had to march and sing in unison against the monster that was apartheid, we might’ve got it right..right??

ALERT THE MEDIA ;

I forced my way fit into my pre-pregger jeans the other day. Vigelegele na Shangwe..south african style ofcourse..he he Who cares that I can neither sit nor breathe , they went past my thighs dammit! If that’s no reason to celebrate, I dunno what is…lol..Simple pleasures ey?

Duty calls..

 

 

Bada Bing, Bada Bye!!!

All good things really do come to an end..
For the millions of Sopranos fans myself included, the finale last night marked the end of one of the most fascinating shows on telli the past 8yrs.
For some, the final episode left alot
to be desired..True to Soprano form, we were left hanging, aching for
just a little more, but alas! Me, I thought the cable went out when
that black screen appeared..I thought nah, there’s gotta be more.. I
sat there thinking( secretly hoping for a blood bath.I know they knew
we’d think the entire family would be taken out.I’m kinda glad though
that Tony wasn’t whacked though- It would’ve been too predictable. I
would’ve been devastated..I have to admit,I too fell for his mob boss
charm..After the second last episode, I thought he would go out ala Scarface .. “say hello to my lil’ friend”
I cannot believe it , no more Tony walking out for his newspaper in boxers and a wife beater, no more of Carmella’s baked ziti, no more tittie bar, AJ’s
neuroses, Meadow’s sharp wit, Janice’s crazy, Paulie’s hair, Hunky
Italian snipers..( Let me just tell you, there’s something about an
Italian man, that accent,alafu he offers to make you something with Proscuitto
and gives you a ride on his motor cycle through Manhattan one hot summer
night, and then serenades you with his guitar under the stars..wait,
have I said too much already *swoon*!! Damn, I can’t even keep my own
secrets!!) PASTA FOR LIFE!! LOL.. No more swimming with the fishes, or watching for who would get whacked, or rats…*sob sob*
No more informing your friends not to call after 9pm, after which all calls unrelated to Sopranos were ignored without guilt..
No more mad dashes to the bathroom at 8:58 to empty the tank, or stocking up on snacks and/or drinks so there’s no need to get up all hour..

This collection is definitely a must have..

Thank you HBO for such superb Tv,we can only hope for bigger and better..
Thank you to my fellow Sopranos groupies..for the Sunday nights spent glued to your telli’s..so we could analyze and speculate all week about it.. For those nights we spent together at nani’s house eating Boiro silently as we ate up every Sopranos minute..
To the ex, with whom Sopranos watching was practically foreplay..he he..It couldn’t have been the same without you..Thanks bruh!

So long, farewell..aufwiedersehen, goodnight and goodluck!!

New Day

Morning has broken..
Wait, what’s that strange sensation coursing through my veins? Energy..Joy..
In the words of The late, The great, James Brown
….. I FEEL GOOD.

Tough Stuff..

I

AM

EXHAUSTED.

I have a new found respect for mothers worldwide.

GOD

HELP

US

ALL… That strength you promise to the weary Lord, um..would you please up my dose?? Thank you in advance.

Introducing..

Little Miss Sunshine..

7things you don’t know about her..
1. She has one dimple, on her left cheek.
2. She loves her baths..especially when her hair is brushed.
3. She’s a night owl..most alert at 1am and 3am..
4. She doesn’t like her little bottom exposed at all, diaper changing is quite a challenge.
5. She doesn’t seem to like her bassinet, she much prefers her mom’s bed..
6. She really enjoys being swaddled and cuddled..
7. She’s calm and peaceful..and she loves kisses.

May 1st

..I waddle into my doctors office for my scheduled prenatal visit.I’d
had a rough night, what with the insomnia,lower back pains, severe
heart burn the works..They check my vitals and I’m quickly ushered into
a room and instructed to lie on my left side. Doctor comes in, and says
that my pressure is at a dangerous high and they have to send me to
hospital immediately for additional testing.. At this point I’m not crazy concerned, I’m thinking..ok High blood pressure, can be controlled. They’ll
probably give me some drug , a lollipop and put me on bed rest for the
remainder of my term. So off I went, right into triage where I’m
checked in, and strapped to monitors. Still, my immediate concern is the
possibility that my butt is hanging out of the hospital gown…Baby’s
heart rate is good, so I’m happy.I’m trading jokes with D- thank God
she was there, I could not have handled the situation solo..at some
point I dose off while listening to Angelique Kidjo on the Ipod. I wake up an hour later refreshed, to a pleasant chirpy nurse telling me they were sending me for an ultrasound..The sonographer does a really thorough check..Back in triage, I’m definitely NOT ready when 3 nurses walk in, one with IV paraphernalia
, another with a razor and another with some medication. I’m casually
informed that my doc’s would be in, in 20 minutes for an emergency
c-section. D-DAY, come 3wks soon. I literally burst into tears…my worst pregger
nightmare realized. I’d envisioned a labor-intensive natural birth,
with little medical intervention. My mom calls, and I damn near fall
apart..she’s saying something about God and grace. Then I calm down
when I realize that what’s most important is a healthy mother and baby.
The nurse nonchalantly gillette’s my nether regions, lower abdomen and
bush- at this point a rain forest, being that I could neither see or
reach that far. I WAS HUGE!!..I’m tempted to ask for a mirror, just
want to make sure they don’t accidentally nik something important.

In the operating room, the anaesthesiologist calmly explains that he’ll
numb my body chest down with some spinal something or the other..I
don’t understand how I’m supposed to remain still and ati arch my back toward him when he injects what feels like a 2inch wide syringe in my spine. Good thing the stuff
works fast, and soon I can barely feel anything below my breast bone.
Doc walks in after my body is arranged in a crucifix-like position..he
seems happy..he and another dude are trading jokes and singing
something Fred Astaire or the other…all while they’re cutting and
tugging and pulling..All I feel and hear is pressure while they
rearrange my internal organs and tubes suctioning God knows what, D
seems fascinated by my insides..I can’t believe she’s smiling as she
peers into my body from the corner.Nausea sets in big time..yak!! In no time, Little Miss Sunshine,
the love of my life is born…no need to slap her little bootie, she’s ready to yell. For 3.5 wks early, she’s a good size 7lbs 2ounces 19.5 inches tall..with so so much hair..They let me see and kiss her warm face before they take her off to clean her down. After much stitching and stapling, they’re done.

We just got home after a week in hospital, I developed some
complications which now seem to be under control..thank God. My little
girl is wonderful, feels like she’s watching over me. She’s nursing and
sleeping well. But OMG OMG OMG do my boobs hurt…Jayzuz!! I knew to expect pain, but DAMN!! I think I’ve
gone up 2cup sizes, I guess mama’s doing a good job with the milk
production..Relief comes in seeing my baby in a milk-induced coma…the
satisfaction on her face when she’s fed and dry..makes it all worth it..
She’s the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen..I can’t believe I get
to keep her. Sleep?? What foreign country is that? I can’t believe I
just cut into my rest time by sitting here to do type this out..I guess
after so many months of silence, I feel I owe it to myself to release..
All that to say, I’m in love..for what feels like the very first time..
Off to feed her..